★ Salt Creek

Salt Creek
Originally uploaded by Jay Torres.

For some reason, I really like this picture. Enough to make it my own desktop wallpaper. And not for the fact that it’s a picture of me, but by the many ways it can be interpreted. All at once, it looks as if I’m taking a rest, admiring the view, or deep in thought. I had no idea that this picture was being taken and I think that’s why it came out so well.

★ “There’s a Fine, Fine Line”

So today was a little less therapeutic and more of just a reassertion of what I need to do. I owe a lot of my current sanity to my “therapist” and I’m grateful that my sessions only cost dinner plus some boba. Plus, what she has to say helps me figure out what I need to do with myself.

A lot has been going on in the past couple months. PrimeTime has kept me sane (explanation here). It gives me something to look forward to once Thursday rolls around. These group of guys are probably the main reason why I’m still somewhat normal. I’m glad the living situation worked out the way it did otherwise I wouldn’t have met the original PrimeTime/Iron Bark crew.

As for the part of my life that tugs on my sanity…there were times I thought that I had closed the door. I did everything I could to get my mind off of it. I tried to drink my worries away on the weekends. Once it got warmer, I’d hit the beach. I bought a gym membership to effectively get rid of the stress. Even that Chicago trip was more of an escape than a vacation. But going out every weekend isn’t the best therapy, plus it leaves a sizable dent in your wallet, or in this case, money clip. As of late, I find myself thinking more and more about her and I can’t figure out why…..

I thought things would turn around when someone briefly stumbled into the picture. But after one outing, it was pretty obvious, to both of us, that I hadn’t moved on.

So that, more or less, brings us here today. I have a better understanding of myself, but am completely lost as to what will ultimately make me happy. I think I should wrap it up right here…

I don’t usually listen musicals but my roommate played one song from Avenue Q and I seriously could relate to every damn lyric in the song. It gives me chills when I listen to it by myself.

“And I don’t have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don’t think that you even know what you’re looking for.
For my own sanity I’ve got to close the door
And walk away…

There’s a fine, fine line
between love…
and a waste of time.”

: There’s a Fine, Fine Line by Avenue Q Cast from the album Avenue Q (2003 Original Broadway Cast)

★ Temporary Solution

No, this is not the redesign I had in mind. I guess this is a temporary solution until I figure out what happened to the previous layout. I know, I feel like I sold out using a premade template. But I guess that was the reason why I was reluctant to post. Who knows, I may end up keeping this layout and tweaking it a bit.

I’m about due for a long ass, deeply insightful, divulging too much information post. A lot of shit has been happening and I need to record it in some way. But that will have to wait until after the events of tomorrow.