★ Please fix

Something I saw at work that made my day a little brighter.

If this works correctly, I am currently uploading this picture to my Flickr site while at the same time blogging about it on ABSOLUT JAY.


★ Thoughts On Retirement

I’m not talking about retiring from your job and living off of Social Security and your 401K. I’m talking about retiring from “The Game”. Last week, we lost another one of our finest soldiers. After going out for 3 years and then spending some time apart, Mike decided to retire at the top of his game when he proposed to Joanna last week. That means three of my closest friends have decided they have met the person they choose to spend the rest of their lives with. And I couldn’t be happier for them.

I could be a lot happier for myself. This is not to say that I’m not happy however. I feel, and others can attest, that I’m a LOT better off now than I was as recent as 6 months ago. I’m no longer preoccupied with the failure of my previous relationship. I can say that I’m happy, but not necessarily the right things currently make me happy I’ve noticed. Material things currently make me happy. Shallow things make me happy. My car makes me happy. Going to the gym and working on my physical appearance makes me happy. I look forward to drinking on the weekends because it makes me happy (or helps me forget that I’m not truly happy). I’m not down on the world like I was in the past; I’m happy but not truly happy. I’ve known what it feels to be truly happy. I even had a taste of what that used to feel like as recent as last month. But as my luck and/or fate would have it, it couldn’t be fully realized.

Back to “The Game”. There are times when I enjoy my single status and I never regret what I did that got me here but I can’t help but feel like I’m getting old and tired of it. I know if I found the right person, I would seriously consider hanging up my uniform. At the same time, having this mentality holds me back from getting too serious with anyone knowing that it may be my last. It also doesn’t help that I’ve been kicked around a few times playing this game. Call me jaded, guarded, cynical, whatever. All I know, is that when it’s all said and done, I want to leave at the top. Truly happy. That said, congrats to Mike and Joanna.


After all the crap I got from my roommates and my friends, I finally bought a new bed. I’ve been sleeping on a twin size bed for 26 years of my life. I upgraded last weekend to a full size.

My sex lair is now complete.

I think I just jinxed myself.

★ VAn


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