I received an anonymous comment on my previous post and after rereading it, I realize that I come off as bitter. Jaded and cynical, yes, but I don’t feel sorry for myself. He/she suggests that I have family set me up with someone. While I appreciate the comment, (it means I have people reading my site lol), I actually am enjoying being single (again). I never have to check in with anyone. I never have to make sure my plans don’t interfere with “our” plans. I never have to worry if hanging out with someone will make the other feel jealous. I do whatever I want, with who I want, whenever I want.
The previous post was not me complaining or feeling sorry for myself. It was merely a bunch of words that I typed out when I took a step back and realized that right here and now, a relationship isn’t for me, and probably won’t be for me in the foreseeable future.
Being twenty nine, I realized that I’ve had a little under fifteen years of real relationship experience (grade school crushes don’t count). Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20 and if I knew the things I’ve learned up until now, I would’ve approached things differently. Notice how I said approach. I’m not saying that I regret any decisions I’ve made in the past. I wouldn’t be the person I am now if it weren’t for the decisions I’ve made. All I’m saying is that after experiencing different types of relationships, I would have approached some of them differently and I will definitely change the way I look at women and relationships from now on.
A couple of things have happened to me in the past four years that have totally changed the way I approach relationships and women in general. I spent most of my college years in a relationship. If I remember correctly, I was single for only one summer in the five years I was in college. I was always in a relationship. I remember being totally into whatever relationship I was in. I did thoughtful things, I spent almost every moment with my significant other and was overall a hopeless romantic. Fast forward a few years and a couple experiences have turned me into a jaded cynic, a barely recognizable shadow of who I was before.
After what happened in my last relationship and what happened to me so far this year, I have pretty much lost all faith in relationships with women. I no longer hope that whoever I meet over the weekends may turn into something meaningful. In fact, I no longer go out to seek new people. I mean, if I meet someone new, that’s fine but I already have enough friends. I go out to maintain my current friendships.
I’ve shared my feelings with some of my closest friends and they understand where I’m coming from but also offer some encouragment, which I appreciate but it’s going to take someone special and someone willing to make the effort to change my outlook.